May 16, 2013

Life & Death




This has proven to be one of the Hardest Years of my life, but also full of tremendous blessings. What could possibly happen in a year, well for those whom don't know me personally or follow me on facebook, you would have NO idea. You would just assume. 

Last I left you, Was with a full heart of amazing Love. My Sister moved here in May and was Baptized.Together Savannah and I would conquer a year of trials and tears. It was an experiance niether one of us will ever regret, the blessings we have gained are tremendous.

Summer
It's a Hot June day, I wake up thinking about my husband. I wonder to myself if he is staying nice and cool in his cardboard room? I wonder how his day went? I get up out of bed and kneel to say a prayer before I begin my day.  My mom is visiting this month we have many plans, staining our deck, swimming, gardening. "It's also her 60th birthday"..  I stand up invigorated ready to face the day. Only the day is not going as I IMAGINED.  My kids all need a digital detox, my mom was very tense, my sister uncomftorble, ME panic. How can I be a great mom and make everyone happy. Well I can't ...  This is the last moment I ever remember having with my mom which is so sad, because I wish it could have been something happier.  

The visit passed we said our tearful goodbye's and continued to live.

Work
School
Church
Paino Lessons
Chores
Scripture's
More Chores
More Work
Church 
Church

 Chirstmas: Savannah & I  drive to Arizona to spend it with my Husbands Family




It was so F-U-N, it always is though. They are the most Ahhhh-mazing people I know.

December 26th 
Savannah and I get a Facebook Message from our mom's boss at Starbucks, Worried because my mom did not come into work. No one had heard from her and they are all worried.  Weird because at 12pm that day, I sent her a text that simply said " I LOVE YOU" and heard nothing back. I guess maybe I knew. I called my Aunt explained the situation, and she assured me that it was probably fine. She was going to check on my Mom and said they had spent all the previous night together. My Aunt calls me when she arrives at my moms home. 

(My Moms HOME) 
She worked 2 jobs to provide this to me and my sister

She is walking me throught the home, Well her purse is here on the kitchen table and her keys. Her car is in the Garadge. Harry Poppy (her dog) is in his Kennel. She is not upstairs? My Aunt asks me; Would your mom go anywhere without her purse? No I reply. I am not paniced at all, I feel at ease through the whole conversaition. My Aunt then says I am going to Call your Uncle to come look to. 

20minutes Later my Cell phone rings.............
Me: Hi Aunt J
Aunt J: Honey, your mom's Dead
Me: What? HOW?
Aunt J: We don't know, Uncle F found her body next to the washing machine in the Garadge. I have to go and call the police but I will call you back. 
Me: OKAY!!!

The moment's after this are a blur, all I know is I will forever be greatful to my Father in Law for his strength and guidance. He was my shepeard, He just guided me along continually reassuring me. He gave me Lot's of Hugs, told me it was going to be OKAY.  He was right!!! 

Savannah and I often reflect and can see the LORDS hand in this. We know that we will see our Mom again. We know that her strength was needed at this time. We have hard days though. I find it hard when I want to call her and tell ther the "Latest News". Sometimes just to hear her voice.

Her Funeral was Amazing, Over 300 people showed up. The high school color guard stood at attention by her grave and one young man just could not stop weeping. I had to HUG his face..

Inside her Urn
We traced our hands and wrote her a Note

Her Starbucks Sharpie <3 font="">

Her Last Zebra Hot Chocolate


To Be Continued...

1 Happy Thoughts:

Neissie said...

You are so loved my dear.